No Shame in the Game: Finding the Right One [Part 2/3] (ISNA 2008: Dr. Altaf Hussein)
The following is Part 2 of 3 of the MSA Session entitled “No Shame in the Game: Finding the Right One”. These notes are my interpretation of Dr. Altaf Hussein’s talk. [See Part 1 by sister Aamarah CuCuir here, and check out part 3 with Imam Suhaib Webb Tomorrow]
Dr. Altaf Hussein
Principles of Marriage Based on the Quran and Sunnah
“And among the signs of God is having created mates for you from yourselves that you may feel at home with them,, creating love and compassion between you. Surely there are signs in that for people who reflect” [30:21 (Translation by Thomas Cleary)]
- The concept of ‘soulmate’ is in the Quran. Your spouse is someone who ‘completes you’.
- In your spouse – you should look for someone with whom you will develop sakeenah.
The Prophet said, “A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a losers. [ Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27]
- There are four clearly established reasons to marry someone, but the deen should be most important
Gender Interactions
- All interactions with the opposite gender must be purposeful, public and limited.
- Purposeful – there must be a reason
- Public – chaperoned – no pseudo dating allowed
- Limited
Be Mature
- Muslim brothers shouldn’t be poking sisters on facebook, or giving each other public gifts
- According to a hadith (paraphrased)
1. If you feel no shame, do what you wish.
2. Righteousness is good morality and character
3. Wrongdoing is that which wavers in your soul and that which you dont want others to know about
Major Pitfalls
1. Know your own self. Reflect on your own character and personality when looking for a spouse.
2. Involve your parents. Sometimes we have to work harder to get them to your level of understanding
3. Stop talking so much.
4. Make Dua a lot!
- Do not bring up artificial boundaries if you are ready to get married!!
And finally, Dr. Altaf encouraged us to view the following talk from the previous ISNA Conference (2007) on Contemporary Challenges in Trying to Get Married. (Courtesy of Halal Tube)