Divorce Rate among Muslims in North America: 31%
Published by Haseeb May 14th, 2007 in Current News, marriageSource: In Focus
Fact: About one out of every three Muslim marriages in North America will end up in a divorce!
Divorce is on the rise in the Muslim community, especially in the West. According to a study conducted by Dr. Ilyas Ba-Yunus, a sociology professor at State University of New York, the overall divorce rate among Muslims in North America is at an astounding 31%. The state of California ranks highest with a 37% rate of divorce and New York, Ontario, and Texas follow closely with a 30% rate. Compared to the overall rate of divorce in the U.S. (49%) and Canada (45%), the increasing rate of divorce among Muslims is cause for alarm.
A very thorough and insightful discussion needs to be started amongst Muslims on this subject. This should be as startling to the Muslim mind than any war that neo-con may wage or law that is passed against American Civil Rights. We can’t even imagine the ramifications of a whole generation of young muslims coming from single familes, actually, maybe we can, lets look at the rest of society. in addition, divorce is still considered “taboo” in the Muslim community, so its even harder on those involved as they feel they can’t even talk about it.
there are so many reasons contributing to this statistic and i predict that these rates will soon reach the 40 percent plus, percentile.
there is only one thing that COULD be misleading about this article. “Muslims” is a very general category. Are they literally refering to the 10 million muslim population or those who are some sort of the “core” of the muslim community. because if 75 percent of the muslims in the country are not involved in anything relating to Islam at any level, then this statistic may be misleading but unfortunately from personal experiences it def refers to the core also
Wow- I heard the divorce rate among Muslims in the United States was 50%- in some way this article brought hope
….”the rise in Muslim divorce rates can be blamed partly on the recent “Me” culture, where people live only to make themselves happy.” This is so true!!
Inshallah many young Muslims will recognize the value of pursuing social work as a profession- it’s hard work but our community is in dire need of such services
That is pretty sad and scary, as I just got married 10 months ago. May Allah
keep us from that end, ameeen. (summa summmmma ameen!).
Not a shock, comes with the western mindset n culture…very instant gratification based. People are getting used to having remote control everything, which has its own set of implications on the nafs and attitude…It is sad, but its really something that people have to work on themselves on, really being patient etc…may Allah
grant me a patient wife…lol.
We really need better pre-marriage counseling and the necessary spiritual discipline imprinted onto our hearts from masters of spirituality so that we are not taken hold of by our desires when searching for a spouse. Imam Majid is doing an amazing job at the ADAMS Center trying to facdiliate successful marriages with pre-marital counseling services. May Allah
purify our hearts and our intentions and give us success in building a family of truthful servants. Ameen.
I think this has alot to do with expectations out of marriage. Before the marriage, there are western romantic notions of what it means to be in love. But at the same time we fully expect a cultural traditional understanding of what marriage will be like. I.E. for men, we want women to be doing household things, cook, clean, etc. These two differing expectations come together and clash like no tomorrow.
Also, I am not absolutely sure that divorce is a bad thing for muslims. If we are entering marriages withe wrong expectations, it could very well be that we have married a person that we do not fit with. In this case is it not best to get a divorce? I am not sure whether it is healthy for muslim societies to continue with marriages that are not emotionally (and hence spiritually) sound.
Pre-Marriage Counseling is really necessary - and more communities should adopt these services.
Well divorce is allowed in Islam - but only as a last resort. As communities - we should do our best to ensure that our brothers and sisters who do get married enter with the same expectations and are compatible - because nobody really thinks they’re going to end up getting divorced. We just need to step up and let our communities know that divorce is a real problem!!
hi there,
this is the first time i post any thing by the way.
i live in the u.k. where there are for many marriage problems facing the majority of young british muslims. Without offending any one here the majority of young muslim males many of which coming from very conseravtive islamic backgroundsare are “lost” with the freedom and desires they get here in the west. so when the majority of females which are in most cases more conservative and act/ behave in a more islamic manner come to a stage where it is time for them to settle down and get married they are facing the problem of finding a good husband ” sami yusuf look alike” . For instance in my point of view 20% of british muslim males can be seen as ” a good husband” by their behaviour and thinking however 70% of females are seen in this image .
overall i think the reason for the increase in divorce in the west / america is not finding the correct husband.this is causing many women to become desperatley in need of a husband that they are accepting marriage proporsals of men that are conservative and clean minded but that do not fit their phase of thinking and ethics. the other way of solving this ” husband shortfall” ( and vice - verse)is by the women marrying men from their mother countries which may not suit their thinking or which might have seen that marrying her would give him an opurtunity of living abroad ( by getting a citizen ship )and getting a better quality of life even though he may dislike her.
;(
What rubbish!
This report is nothing but baloney.
aah, it actually could be true.
I think the problem is that us muslims are not versatile.
If you have high divorce rates, you should equally have high re-marriagre rates so that the percentile of divorced should not matter but rather the amount of married people in the community should matter.
Listen, I dont wanna say this to get in trouble or anything but divorce was pretty common back in the days(not very common but more of a business transaction). So that if things didnt work out, no problem, the people were taken care of though.
Divorced women had a chance to get married and that is what islam does teach us.
However, the divorce is one problem, overly picky and impatient western girl is another problem, immature western guys a third, and the list goes on…..
In North America, certainly USA, majority of the marriages of muslims are by choice and some even due to falling in love or acquantainces of family friends.
The litmus test of a marriage is really dependant mostly (90%) on the girl. That is not to say I am about to assign blame, I am just saying that if a girl wants to keep her marraige she can and the sad reality is that most girls in USA are inept and are not trained well to keep their marriage.
TO SACRIFICE, yes sacrifice, their desires and their rights(even though they are right most often) and their expectations.
In England, it might be a different situation as people tend to get married more often back home and to cousins and people from different cultures. But in USA, most people brought up here marry their own “kind” brought up guys here. Religious marry religious folks; non-religious marry non-religious folks. Love marriages. Arranged excellent matched ones.
Then why the divorce rate?
This is not the case in the Muslim world(or was not until recently) where 70-80% if not more of the marriages were arranged, and often times mismatches.
Many religious young women married not so religious guys, for those of you who have moms like that, you know what I am talkign about and VICE VERSA as well.
Yet they didnt have that high divorce rates. They made the marriages work. We might blame our cultures or look down upon it but that cultural upbringing was a strong solid backbone for stable marraiges. Something, our enlightened generation is not grasping, missing somehow, amid all the religious enthusiasm and scholarship.
why?
Because this is not something that you can get from mashaaikh, this is not something you can get from reading islamic books.
You can read it in Quran and hadeeth but you’ll have to have iman and taqwa for it and correct aqeedah.
What I mean by that?
Whatever difficulties a person is faced, they have to deal with it. THey have to believe in Allah
and His qadhaa in your life.
The love marriage story in the article is a case in point:
If it was a desi girl brought up in Paksitan, I have no doubt she would have done sabr and stayed with it through thick and thin.
ANd I can tell you from stories I have heard, the really desi girls usually give it their all and have more patience(an innate, cultural quality that is more part of islam than anything at all? hmmmm)than Americna girls. wallahi.
I have friends who were patient and preserverance.
And before any sisters get remotely upset or angry at me.
I am a girl and I am Americanized and this is my observation.
My marriage was arranged and far from ideal. Not even a typical American Muslim wedding arrangement. And although this is not about me but often times I have contemplated divorce. Knowledge about islam has come to my head because I know the rulings and I am more of a danger to myself and my life than an ignorant desi girl who thinks that once her parents sent her from her home, she should stay there through thick and thin and establish her home and not think or contemplate about divorce.
That girl definitely is stronger than me. I am a weak spoiled brat who if I dont like what I have then I might as well get rid of it. Rather than patiently wait for success to come even if it means attaining that happiness through grandchildren.
Perhaps we need to teach out youth this.
why is it always the girl who has to sacrifice?
Ah Marriage?!? Where do you go
Here in the UK there are plenty of fish in the pond but they are genetically modified!
Compounding the sad fact that finding a spouse (that hopefully will result in successful marriage) is a myriad of cultures and generation gaps within a complex spectrum of religiosity. Not to mention the social class divide that is ever growing.
The opportunitiy of knowing enough about someone in a natural (and, ofcourse halal) setting within one’s neighbourhood/ social circle is non-existant.
Instead, we have disguised halal speed dating-type events, web-chatting hook-ups, and the popular “marry from back home” methodology - “Home” being the country my pops left 30 years ago.
Give this situation I’ll probably end up living the high life as an unmarried sufi in Scouse-land
Arright
it has to be a girl because this is the way the world operates sadly.
The women are built strong enough. Men are not of that nature or type to go about sacrificing. They are qawwamuun.
The rules are they can easily get married(without parents permission), easily divoce (without any request of divorce) and this is the way the world just operates.
Western Muslim women need to learn that and not be swept up by certain brands of feminism(because even some feminists do recognize this man’s world and opt to keep their distance).
The sooner you realize, the more better you prepare yourself to establish your family and yes in the long run by instilling values in your sons, you can changes some of this one sided sacrificing.
Marriage and divorce has nothing to do with religion. Are you people kidding yourselves? This country is based on christianity and the divorce rate is 45%. Did you really think the islamic divorce rate was going to be less just because “but we’re actually religious so we are more moral”. Please. Guess what? That’s the exact same thing the Christians say. You know why divorce rates aren’t so high in muslim countries? BECAUSE WOMEN ARE GOING TO BE GOSSIPED ABOUT AND DON’T HAVE ACCESS TO SUCCESS aka WELL PAYING JOBS AS SINGLE WOMEN. That’s the only reason it’s not high over there. If a guy is going to cause you harm, not respect you, etc, you can just smack em in the face and divorce em. NOT divorcing a person like that doesn’t somehow say you’re a stronger person. It says you caved into societal pressures and are weak. High divorce rates aren’t a sign of a “me me me” culture or the terrible “western mindset”. Terrible is some chick getting abused and no one doing anything about it or divorcing someone by saying “i divorce you” 3 times.
Simona, you are “americanized” and you believe that the girl has to stick with it through thick or thin, maybe even finally achieving happiness through her grandchildren, otherwise she is a spoiled brat? Let me ask you a point blank question. Are you really being honest? Really? Do you have a job prospect out there that you could fall back on and which would allow you to lead a successful life, if you were to get divorced? Would you be able to keep your head up and ignore the gossip and the talk from your relatives and friends talking about how awful the situation is - have no uncomfortable moments and lead a happy life even after divorce? If you answer yes, then i’ll say ok. But if the answer is NO, then it makes sense that you’d want to stick with it. And that’s why all these women stick with it in muslim countries.
I’d hate to dissappoint you but the women I am talking about that stick with it are indeed self-sufficient.
Not to indulge you but I am going to be in the line of job where they make more than 100gran for sure. And I did something already, I married a guy from “back home” amid, the “oh you poor thing” gossip.
For some women you are right, in muslim countries they have nothing to fall back on and hence limited choices.
But in America, that is not the case and when I talk about strong women, they are more educated and more rich than their hubbies.
Abuse is a different story. No where did I say that a woman should put up with physical or sexual abuse (but she can be pateint if it is verbal abuse).
Obviously, you do not know the islamic principle of patience applied to both men and women.
Do you come from a divorced family, by any chance?
do you know the devastations it entails?
you make it as if it is a ticket to freedom…..even so at the cost of how many lives….childrens….the people themselves?
And I am not calling myself strong. thank you for correcting me, indeed if women in America stick by their marriages then they are strong truely, because they can be self-sufficient.
However, marriage is not only about financial stability, it is about companionship and getting divorce is a risk for never again finding that companionship because of the hard to get re-married process(essentially having to do with cultural and not enough knowledge about religion).
Dont get me wrong, read my earlier passage in the first post.
Problem is also re-marriage rates are low. So why risk it?
i will truley be miserable single and divorced. that I can say for sure.
Once you get married and know what companionship, you would yearn for it forever, at least I know I do and would.
I don’t want to nitpick here but i barely understood what you were saying. Every sentence and every few words had another spelling or grammer mistake. I really hope that’s not how you actually speak…b/c in that case the only job you could be alluding to with a payout of 100g/year has to be a professional wrestler or maybe a golfer. “I am going to be in the line of job where they make more than 100gran for sure”. I’m really not even questionining the validity of what you’re saying…No, no I kid! stop it, i kid…seriously though…divorce isn’t great but sticking to marriages b/c you feel like you’re going to be gossiped about and you’re going to be incapable of supporting yourself on your own is no reason to stick to it. You ought to stop insulting women who get divorced. They’re not all paris hilton just b/c they stood up for themselves. haha seriously though…i kid you, stop it, i joke, i like to make a fun. haha
thats pretty sad. i really think this is because we have abandoned the sunnahs of marriage and divorce. the prophet saws said: if a man comes to you seeking marriage and his religion and his character pleases you, marry to him. otherwise there will be fitnah in the land.
and thats what we have.
Some really interesting observations here!
Here in Australia, there are many migrant families (from, say, Iraq, Bangladesh, Indonesia) that deal with the problem of domestic violence on a regular basis. Now I’ve been to, and watched many lectures where the believing women are encouraged to protect their modesty and stay at home, and raise their families. Its almost as if the whole ‘working mothers’ concept is becoming a real issue in the Western Muslim world, so the shaikhs try and address this issue. But I’ve always felt that the bigger issue here, isnt, say, a Muslim woman working at her local pharmacy, but that a Muslim woman gets physically and emotionally abused on a regular basis by her husband. Now I dont want to go off on a rant here, but are there no consequences set by Islamic Shariah, for abusive husbands? I know that men have been instructed to be gentle and kind to their wives; but are there no form of consequence if they abuse their power? Surely, some men would abuse their power, because, after all, only 1 in 1000 would make it to Jannah [statistically].
The Qur’an instructs us to do many good things and avoid ‘bad’ things. But, for those who dont avoid ‘bad’ things, there has been punishment set for them both in this life and the hereafter. For example, men are instructed not to steal. But if they do, (keeping in mind that all conditions are met) the state has the right to cut off his hands. But what happens if you physically and emotionally abuse your wife day in day out for, say, the last 20 yrs that you’ve been married to her? How can that go unpunished?
Many muslims, when asked this question, would say that the wife needs to be patient and pray to Allah
and as a last resort, consider divorce. But surely that isnt a reasonable solution?
And when I talk about domestic violence, Im not talking about a minority group here. Its something that affects more families than you can possibly imagine, but most victims dont talk about it for fear of being rejected from society. I really think we need the Muslim community to work on this more.
Good observations Rashael-
What do you suppose the Muslim communities/individuals (in your community or elsewhere) do to eliminate domestic violence and increase marital stability?
its called marrying for a green card.
huh? Thomas pain?
well, docs dont know how to spell or grammer(what are you an English major or something?) and I am not insulting every divorced woman out there, I am well aware of what you wrote but you are the one who is not looking at the flip side. NOt all divorce women had miserable lives and could have been better off staying married.
Its scary as hell looking at the statistics but alot of stuff is scary and you still gotta face it right. I may be wrong but the problem comes in my opinion from finding the right person, someone that somewhat matches what your looking for. Then theres the other stuff like attraction, inspiration, character, maturity etc…yours and hers…which ultimately creates the way you will live. Theres something not quite right about expecting any two people to be able to stay together for 60 years just cuz they have a common reference point say religion or culture….certain personalities just dont jibe well and thats a personality thing, not a money thing or a in-law thing. I guess the day comes when someone just feels great i should be happy with my life the way ali and zuleikha down the street are happy, we got married, we make good income, we got the house, we got a kid and it still not working so may be its time to jump ship…i mean i dont know enough about this as a reality but i can picture it…cuz yeah in some sense you cant be too idealistic about it but by same token the person your going to lay your head next to every night and wake up beside every morning, the person your gonna show ur worst and ugliest sides to and share your happiest days with cant actually be just anyone…i mean patience and working at it are goals but they dont just cover the entire spectrum…
simona, BAM! you hit it on the head. ITS TOUGH TO GET REMARRIED AND THATS WHY MOST DON’T WANT TO GET DIVORCED. It’s not b/c you’re better than someone who gets divorced, more religious, pious, stronger, or anything else b/c you stick to it. You stick to it B/C ITLL BE TOUGH TO BE REMARRIED B/C THATS HOW IT IS WITH MUSLIMS. I GUARANTEE you that the ones getting divorced oftentimes will have a fairly easy time getting remarried and that they don’t just do it b/c they are weak or whatever. Someone not going to bars or clubs b/c she’s ultra ortho isn’t going to ever get remarried. Additionally, I was only half making fun of your grammar. I really didn’t understand alot of it earlier. I know plenty of docs that were english majors and even those that weren’t…guess what? they could still speak properly so don’t blame it on that.
oh and another thing. There’s also lots of marrying within sect (sunni shiitte, whatever) and even within culture (indian with indian paki with paki some type of arab with same type of arab). Sometimes I see people that are married and I SWEAR they looks like they’re part of the same family and that’s pretty common! Theres like 8 billion people out there! If people are choosing within this extremely narrow slice of the pie to pick from (family pressure, maybe just not being out there enough to know enough people), what can be expected? Plus i know lots of muslims getting married early 20’s and the girls over 23 and its like whoaa! getting late! Lower chance that you find the right person so quickly.
Are you mocking ultraorthdox muslims? you are bringing pro staying married opinions and assuming I said that. I never said that women are more religious that stay married or any crap like that.
And you sound like your babbling. What the Hell are you talking about ? you list people getting married outside of their culture as being limited. What now you want Muslim women to marry non muslim guys?
And yeah, bars and clubs are a great place to meet the opposite sex to….get laid….not married.
So if ultra orthodox muslim girls want to get married only then they woould’nt exactly go to a loud disco club.
I think that the fact that the divorce rate is increasing among all religions and ethnic groups is alarming. True the majority of people do not get married thinking they will get a divorce. Marriage is difficult and it takes a great deal of maturity, patience, kindness and mutual respect. My own traditional Hispanic culture does not look at divorcing with approving eyes but sometimes the women have to do it due to physical, mental or emotional abuse.
Yes, divorce has devastating effects on children. Divorce was not what God intended but unfortunatly reality is harsh.
Premarital counseling is necessary for the couple to understand what the expectations are from each other. Some of the expectation are unrealistic and incorrect. There is a saying when going into the marriage you need to have your eyes wide open and keep them closed afterwards. Meaning after marriage you over look some of your partners faults if they are not damaging to you or the marriage. You try to remember the good you saw in them. Marital counseling is also advisable before deciding on divorcing but must be done as soon as the problems begin to come about. Yes, remarriage is more difficult in some cultures. However, in my case I have chosen to remain single after my divorce for nine years now. I have decided that being alone is better than being in bad company. Yes, I did go through premarital counseling and marital counseling but it did not save my marriage. My marriage failed because I married someone incompatible with me. I learned the hard way that just because we were both from the same ethnic group and religion did not mean he was the most suitable mate for me. I should have focused more on what the core essence of the man was and I would have seen how toxic he was.
I can assure you that verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. They kill you a little each day until there is no resemblance of who you were. It has taken me nine years to be whole again. I finally feel that I can now be a suitable mate. I can assure you that I will be more cautious.
This is horrible news.
I never thought this could happen to the Muslim Community.
And I think it is more proof that there is something very evil in this culture that is contaminating all faiths and destroying men and women relations and eventually their children.
I don’t believe that it is possible to find a solution.
Observe the modern and hopeless state of the African American family.
And I think this is only the beginning.
Maybe best to abandon this culture and marry and raise children in a culture where men and women relations are still intact and families stay together.
May God bless all of you.
The problem is actually quite simple. We, Muslims as a whole, have lost our faith. Elements of Western Culture are distracting us from our purpose on Earth. If we remember this purpose, then everything in life falls to serve this purpose, which is obediance to Allah
. There are many trials and tribulations in marriage, but those with faith perservere, as he/she will know that these are merely trials. thus the only solution to this problem is to go back to Allah 
and understand and implement the Quran into our lives. If this is not done, then no matter what we do, there will be no peace in life.
Western Muslim Women have been influenced by Sex & the city and its ilk. They are horrible wives and have a spotty past that would make a lot of white women blush. May Allah
guide these Americanized Women
This is in particular to Thomas Paine and other westernized/americanized middle class people.
The structure of marriage as described in Islam is lot more sustainable than the western concept. Western society has gotten brain washed in the name of democracy/freedom/liberty. They think its the most evolved concept. All that it has brought on is a country of broken families, men behaving like women and women behaving like men, corporate American ruling over literally everything, political lobbyists getting what they want at the expense of the people (lawyers, doctors, farmers). If anything divorce rates will only go up from here. 70% of divorces in America are initiated by women and it goes up to 90% among couples who are college educated. Mr. Thomas Paine can be proud of himself. With a woman ready to become president, “men” will get kicked in their ass even more. They have simply screwed themselves by creating this environment. Men have little or no leverage in Western marriages. They just get kicked around and controlled by the woman. No wonder they’ve become like women. Poor.
http://www.edmecka.com/blogs/6/Dont-Marry-Essay—Why-Marriage-Has-Become-a-Raw-Deal-for-Men.html
Hello and assalaamu ‘alaykum,
Simona, as a Muslim, an American, and a woman, I’m shocked. You cite at the beginning the fact that during the Prophetic time (I’m assuming that’s what you meant by “back in the days”), divorced women easily remarried. And they did, not unlike contemporary Bedouin society (at least in some parts), where women divorce and also remarry and there is no stigma. So,during the early days of Islam, a woman married, if she wasn’t happy, got a divorce and married later. So overall marriage was more dynamic and flexible.
In fact, the Prophet(S) married divorced women. Also, Asma bint Abee Bakr(R) to cite just one example, divorced az-Zubayr(R), and many other sahaabiyaat (lady companions) divorced and you are not better than them, nor more knowledgeable about what real patience means.
If you want to be like the sacrificed son of Adam(S), help yourself, but don’t call women spoiled just b/c they are not willing to stick around for psychological abuse (the more common problem even than physical beatings).
Malak
And as for Ahmed, shame on you for having such a low opinion of Muslim woman: {O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption.} (al-Hujurat). And that goes for anyone else who assumes that divorce rates are up b/c women are too “Westernized”. The real reason is that when they get here, they learn what rights Islam accords them, rights we have been denied in our home countries for centuries, and now we want those rights. For that, we are called spoiled, acting like men, you should just make sabr, westernized, blah, blah, blah. It didn’t escape my notice the language you “pious” Muslims are using either.
I find myself in the strange position of finding Thomas more considered with the well being of Muslim women and giving them more of the benefit of the doubt than you Muslims.